It is offical, I was told tonight I am nothing to you. It’s weird when your mind has somehow reverted back to age 19. I don’t even think that’s possible, but it’s a good excuse.
I never realized until recently that everything I’ve done the past 5 or 6 years was done in a way to avoid hurting someone I love. My past, present, and future. I just thought that it was me being me, but no my subconscious was secretly telling me something and I failed to listen.
It is 2am, I am sitting on the bathroom floor crying my eyes out. After being told by the one person you would trust with your life, your soul, your heart; that they love someone else. They are IN love with someone else. It’s like a dagger piercing it’s sharpened tip slowly into your heart. It sits there, but bit by bit it jams it’s blade into your heart straight to your soul.
It’s now 3am and I have managed to move from the bathroom floor to the bed. I feel like I just found out you died; in a way you have. I killed you a long time ago, which forced you to see I was no good. I will spend forever repenting my sins against you. You were my person, but then karma got me.
I’m sorry, I wish you knew. I would go back in time and love you all over if I could. But I can’t, so I guess I’ll just stare at these four walls and think of you and me. I’ll think of all the memories and be haunted by the past. Over and over again, it’s better than facing reality.
I always loved you; You were my one and only, my person.