Everyday I learn something new about myself.
This month has enlightened me so much. I don’t even know where to begin.
For starters, Do I even care about you anymore? Your scare tactics never worked with me.. only pushed me away. Now I question every day if this is even what I want. You insist on asking if there is someone else.. well I can’t even answer that question. I really don’t know. I don’t trust you. and I do believe you lie way to much. You aren’t the person I thought you were.. and that just makes me sad inside. Because I really thought it was different.. the feelings i shared were different.
Its true.. I get attached to easily. I grow to like someone way to fast. Especially if I can figure them out… see their true colors before anything else. Obviously if I fall.
It is my downfall.
Because now I wonder if that little spark is felt on both parts. Not just mine. I can’t tell. I can’t decipher these mixed emotions and such. I should probably just keep my hands to myself until all is sorted out. I can’t even believe i’m writing about this. I shouldn’t let someone else in so easily. I don’t trust. I don’t love so easy. I do fall but I can’t fully love that easy. Everything is a tactic to me. Every move, every thought. Its all a game to them. So I don’t trust. I just don’t want to get hurt again.
I do realize I am just a rebound. a sad sad rebound. but I can’t help but hope that when I think about it.. it isn’t true. But I know it is, and its starting to break me apart.
Bit by every little bit. I’m starting to feel something more then what I thought it would be. and I just know its not felt the same towards me. No matter how much I want it to be true.
I’m just lying to myself.