Did it please you?

via Daily Prompt: Pleased

Did it please you? To take joy in the pain I feel.

Did it? I’m so sure that it did.

I’m sure that it pleased you when I tried to explain how awful I felt; leaving you the way I did. I do regret my past transgressions, but that was overlooked by you.

Does it please you now knowing my heart will never be the same; I will never be the same.

Does it? I’m so sure that it does.

It makes you happy knowing she is exactly like me, only younger. She is the version of myself you wished I had been.

I will never be released from the pain of losing you.

Does it Please you yet?

Well, does it?

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I loved you blindly.

via Daily Prompt: Blindly

blind·ly
ˈblīn(d)lē/ adverb – without reasoning or questioning.

I have loved you blindly for all these years. They say never to believe in things blindly; question everything. But when I was with you I never had to question, I. just. knew.  I knew without reasoning, your love for me was never-ending. The kind authors write love stories about; the kind that only exist in dreams.  I knew without questioning that you were my person; my puzzle piece.

But, we grew older and I grew scared. Even after all these years when I see you now my heart breaks a little more. You were mine, but I questioned this life and let you go. I thought, to experience life this is what I need to do. Yes, we were young and in love.. but we were in love. This love that leads you blindly through life, wanting more and craving more. This love was an adventure.

Was. 

I left you blindly, you never saw it coming. To be honest I don’t know if I did as well. I had made up my mind and without reason, I was gone. I left you, broken and alone. Thinking back now, I also left myself broken and alone. This was not my intention, this was not the plan. What happened?

I have loved you blindly for all these years. A day has not gone by that I cannot think of you and question what once was. They say never to believe in things blindly; question everything. I say, believe in things blindly, never question, love without reason; love 
Blindly

If finding myself was easy.

—– If finding myself was easy i would have done it long, long ago.

Its not, and i’m still here wondering:
Who am I? and what do I want?

Now, It’s 5 in the morning and I’m stuck in my thoughts.

I need to move away. Run, far far away.
I feel like I should start over somewhere. I must have gone wrong down the line or else I wouldn’t feel this way.

The bigger question is what do I want?

I spent most of my time worrying about everyone else. Their needs, their thoughts.. etc. I cared to much, and now I wonder if that was a bad thing. Now, people mistake this kindness and run over me with it. Bah.. here I go again stressing about “other” people.

I’m starting to wonder if I will ever come in the picture.

I give to much, maybe thats a bad thing. I end up hurt often. Its no wonder I’m so negative. I’ve put this all on myself. Once again, somewhere down the line I failed. I made a wrong turn, I suppose. Now, How do I get back? What road to take.

–So many questions. I have no answers to.

My mind is racing, I feel so many emotions right now. I want to write more, but some things are better left unsaid I suppose.

Maybe one day I’ll have the courage to write all my true thoughts, but until then they shall stay locked inside of me. Where only me, myself, and I can hear them scream. I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before they’re loose, but we’ll see.

I’m stubborn.